The C Programmer

• God consults with the C programmer on every major issue.

  The C programmer can walk on water.

  He programs on a P90 with 8 Meg RAM w/ Mach32. He can program a graphical spreadsheet in about 2 days.

  The C programmer tends to put "()" after every major verb when they talk or write: "are you going() to see() NIN tomorrow? I'll try() to get() tickets!"

The VB Programmer

• The VB programmer does lunch with God every day.

  He is an olympic class swimmer.

  He programs on a 486dx/2 66 with 8 Meg RAM w/ SVGA and can program a good text based spreadsheet in a little over a week.

The Turbo Pascal Programmer

• The Turbo Pascal programmer occasionally has a word with God.

  He can swim pretty well.

  He programs on a 486dx 33 with 4Meg RAM and can program a complicated scientific calculator in a week and a half.

  The TP Programmer tends to put "begin" and "end" before every major topic: "begin That new game is awesome, man! end"

The Fortran Programmer

• The Fortran programmer sometimes catches a glimpse of God.

  He manages to keep himself afloat in shallow water.

  He programs on a DEC VAX with a VT100 (he's too manly for a GUI). A Fortran programmer can do a passable calculation device in a few weeks.

  Nobody really knows how Fortran programmers talk because there are so few of them these days.

The QBASIC Programmer

• The QBASIC programmer knows who God is.

  He has trouble avoiding drowning in his own bathtub.

  QBASIC programmer works on a 486sx 25 with 4 Meg RAM. He can write a program that accepts two numbers and adds them together in just under 4 weeks.

The LOGO Progammer

• About the only thing a Logo programmer knows about GOD is that the word is short enough for him to sound out, but he has trouble spelling it.

  He wets himself with a squirt gun.

  He programms on an Apple IIc, and can do a program that puts a box on the screen that some may argue looks like a calculator in about 8 weeks (with help from his teacher).

  The LOGO programmer can't actually talk very well, but instead draws a whole lot of pictures, crayon being their favorite media.

**** BUT ****

The Assembly Language Programmer

• The assembly language programmer is God.

  He parts the water when he wishes to cross it.

  He programs on what ever he damm well pleases and can do a multi-tasking, multi-user networkable operating system that includes a GUI spreadsheet during his coffee break.

Last Modified Sunday, 22-Jul-2001 14:38:26 EDT These pages were made by Justin R. Erenkrantz unless otherwise stated. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License. These pages will look best in an XHTML 1.0 compliant browser.