Top 10 Lists

Top 10 Things Not To Do On Prom Night

Crash the Prom
Go with someone you hate
Spend over $300 on your date
Spill punch over rented tuxedo
Get pulled over by cops on way to Prom
Get busted by cops for that thing that-God-knows-how-the-hell-that-got-there, but hey let´s party!
Call your date a whore - BEFORE you leave her house
Spike the punch with 7-Up, not Vodka
Forget to bring your spit cup
Stay at home

Top 10 Things to wear to Prom

Speedos two sizes too small
Marijuana leaf in ear
Suit full of bullet holes from county morgue
Shaved head
Merry Maids uniform
Au nautrel
Tank top
Bottle of Jack Daniels around neck
White leisure suit
Sheer underwear

Factors that led to the Great Depression

Discovery of new line from Jack Daniels - Jack 200
There is too much of a good thing
Mourned the lost of your favorite beer stein
2 for 1 sale of Miller Lite down at Kroger´s
Dog ate your prescription for marijuana, so you had to settle for the next best thing
Got lost on your way to the non-booze party
Free Samples!
The cashier at the local store fell asleep, and you could not pass up the opportunity
KEG PARTY! ;-)
Jimmy Buffet came to town

Top 10 Things Not To Say To Someone You Like

"My name´s Bubba , what´s yours?"
"Do you want to see my earthworm collection?"
"What´s a bitch like you doing in a place like this?"
"You wanna see the real Long John Silver?"
Anything after eating beans
"Aren´t you that fat whore from High School?"
"Hey, ho!"
"You wanna see some pictures of your momma?"
Silence
"Hi."

Top 10 Things Not To Get Your Girlfriend for her Birthday

Worn edible underwear
Framed picture of her ex-beau
Dinner at Burger King
Gift certificate at the local whorehouse
Framed picture of her mother
A subscription to Playboy
Toilet Paper her house
Chocolate
Charge cards, charge cards, charge cards - somebody has to pay for it eventually
Ex-beau´s decapitated penis

Top 10 Things Not To Do To Get Attention

Light somebody´s hair on fire
Jump in the middle of the highway
Repeatedly run into brick walls
Tattoos
Ram your car into parked cars
Eat sushi at lunch
Drive backward on the highway at 90 mph
Ask people on the street if they have a cigarette
Streak across cafeteria
Forget to take your Prozac

Top 5 Songs Not To Sing In The Shower

"Splish, Splash, I was taking a bath"
When The Saints Come Marching In
Mack The Knife
Daddy´s Little Girl
Theme from Psycho

Top 10 Ways To Get Yourself Killed

Tell André The Giant that he´s small
Dare the Bud Man to a one-on-one
Accept Hannibal Lecter´s invitation for dinner
Ask Bill Gates who the richest man in the world is
Tell the bouncer at the local nightclub to stuff it
Go to a Jimmy Buffet concert
Drive a foreign car to your job at GM
Drive a GM car to your job at Toyota
Loosen the salt and pepper shaker at a restaurant and laugh when it spills over that loser
Scream "Shoe Sale" in a mall

Top 10 Excuses for Traffic Tickets

"You want some beer, Officer? Sure look like you could use some."
"There´s a difference between k.p.h and m.p.h.??"
"I just got word of a robbery at the doughnut shop. You better let me go."
"I know your boss personally," when you met him at the jail for serving all those unpaid tickets
Speak in a foreign language
"It ain´t worth the effort. I´ll just hire a lawyer who will scream discrimination and harassment. So, let´s end it here."
"Doesn´t the pay you enough to just let me drive on by," as you offer some crisp $100 bills
"Gee, didn´t we meet yesterday?"
"Hey, you can´t see me. I´m invisible," gun your engine and drive away
"What a lovely badge you have, Officer. Can I have one, too?"

Top Ten Bad Titles For College Application Essays

Why I'm Gonna Get So Much Attention In College
Chico, My Most Unforgettable Cellmate
D's = A's: My High School's Complex Grading System
Gross Things I Did To Food When I Worked At McDonald's
I Hired Some Chinese Kid To Write This Essay
Why The Admissions Director Loves His Car And Wouldn't Want Anything Bad To Happen To It
A Few Ideas On What To Do With All Those Annoying Elderly People
Faith Hill: She's A Good Singer, But Is She Really A Diva?
Instead Of An Essay, Here's a Photocopy Of My Ass
One Year In College, Then 'Hello, NBA!'

Extra Top Ten Bad Titles For College Application Essays:

The Greatest Crisis Facing The World Today: No New Albums By Journey
A List of 493 Communists In My High School
Attached To This Page Is a Bright, Shiny Nickel: Yours If You Accept Me
A Preview Of Some Protests I'll Be Leading When I Get To Your School
The Judge Said, 'College or Prison?'
How To Skip to the 30th Level in 'Mortal Kombat'
Why I'll Want My Mom To Live With Me In The Dorm
The Alphabet: Do We Really Need All Those Letters?
Realizing The Potential of...Holy Crap, Lethal Weapon's On, I'll Finish This Later
My 2000 Rotisserie Baseball Team
My Favorite Episodes of Magnum, P.I.
Everything I Need To Know I Learned From My Cult
Why The Other 193 Colleges Were Wrong To Reject Me
Volunteering at a Rest Home and Scamming The Old Coots Out Of Their Social Security Checks
The Most Influential Person In My Life: Chuck Woolery
Thank Goodness You Didn't Ask Me For a Drug Test
Sleeping My Way To a Recommendation Letter
Some Offensive Ethnic Jokes I Found On The Internet
What I'd Like To Do To Merv Griffin

Last Modified Sunday, 22-Jul-2001 14:43:55 EDT These pages were made by Justin R. Erenkrantz unless otherwise stated. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License. These pages will look best in an XHTML 1.0 compliant browser.